I always liveblog so I thought I’d liveblog my actual experience instead of just my reactions. I’m also going to try to keep spoilers to a minimum since this JUST came out.
Satuday Night
10:22pm My friend is dragging me to see Captain America, praising it for how great it was (he already saw it a week ago). He did make a point to say that Black Widow’s flawlessness was the reason for this. HOWEVER, I don’t care how flawless Black Widow is, she isn’t worth 12 dollars!!!! WHY ARE MOVIE THEATERS SO EFFING EXPENSIVE!?!??
10:24pm We are late as always…
10:43pm Captain America is so corny and he’s too goody goody. And he doesn’t have any powers…or a distinctive fighting style…so now I know why my friend only came for Black Widow…
10:52pm I did not see the first Captain America and I highly regret that now. Not because this movie is amazing or anything but just because I literally have no idea what is happening. I’ve only ever seen the Iron Man movies and Avengers so all this information is completely without context
10:53pm….am now looking up Captain America on Wikipedia. I’m going to read the entire plot summary.
11:07pm yooooo as SOON as that police car appeared I KNEW shit was going to go down. Nick Fury is about to die. Except not really but this entire scene is so stressful omg. Excellent, everything is unfolding like a spy movie and I love every second of it. Car chase, false cops, bulletproof windows at 31%, a robot voice offering no real help, yes I love it all…except oh no cause some random dude just stopped that car like it was NOTHING. I’m getting flashbacks to Hancock. Omg I thought he was just going to tase the guy…but apparently it was more like a lightsaber because he literally just made a tunnel and crawled nto the earth. (I forgot this was a superhero movie…)
11:35pm I keep asking questions and making jokes. My friends want to kill me, I can tell. They want me to shut up but I can’t help itttttttttt.
11:58pm I have accepted Black Widow as my lord and savior.
12:04am btw Falcon……is so corny…..everything is SO CORNY. I thought he was going to do something…how is he even able to fly without any protective gear? Why doesn’t he have a costume!?!??! He’s in a t-shirt and he’s flying around and dropping at intense speeds and I don’t understand the physics of this. Sidenote: he looks more like a dragonfly than a falcon.
12:36am THIS IS IT!! THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE FILM I SWEAR TO YOU!!! Nick Fury just took off his eye patch and put on sunglasses instead. But that’s not it, guys. He has a hoodie on and he just pulled the hood up and then he lit some classified-looking files on fire. He just dropped the entire lighter. BUT the reason this is the highlight is because I legitimately forgot that I was watching a superhero movie. I thought I was about to watch a music video because he totally looks like he just quit SHIELD and decided to go into the rap game. I am so serious. Nick Fury is dropping his album November 20th. Look out for it guys. Featuring hit single: “Motherfucking Snakes in This Motherfucking Organization That I Used to be the Head of.” The Falcon may make a guest appearance; collaborations are still in talk. He’s walking off screen…he looks like Drake. I think he’s going to Canada and he’s just going to chill with Drake for the summer. I can’t wait for his album. What are your thoughts??
12:43am My friend is telling me that I have to wait for the post-credits scene as if I could somehow forget lol OMG it’s (—-r) and (S—-) and…they look fucking crazy. I don’t watch X-Men movies however so I will never get to see the significance of them lol my friend is excited though.
1:01am I’m in the car….basically this movie is a set-up for more important ones….that’s what I’m gathering from everything. Let’s review: Nick Fury is dropping a rap album in November, Falcon is probably going to have some roles in future Marvel movies, HYDRA has been exposed, SHIELD is in disarray, Captain America’s ex-teammate who gets burned at the end, is going to be Crossbones, two new X-Men characters are revealed, Black Widow kind of just mysteriously leaves with a badass attitude, Cap and Falcon are going to search for (—)……
Yeah idk, this movie was kind of underwhelming and I want my twelve dollars back. I actually want to cry for the loss of those twelve dollars.
(No rating because I didn’t see the first one and it wouldn’t be fair to the movie.)
Rated E... 