Rumplestiltskin…why?

As I watch characters grow and change, I just have to ask Rumple:

Why do you do the things that you do?

I need to rant…

Soooo….Rumplestiltskin is one of the most complex characters on the show.I think he’s likeable; he’s funny, he’s snarky, and he can be really…great sometimes. Those times are usually, if not always, when Belle is present.

But here’s the thing: he can also be terrible, cowardly, selfish, and hypocritical. He is constantly disappointing me, constantly backsliding, constantly ruining things for himself and it just pisses me off SO MUCH.

Let’s review: In the beginning of his arc, he had a son Nealfire and a wife, Milah. He was drafted into the war. There, a Seer tells him that his wife is preggo but as a result of his actions on the field, his son will become a fatherless child. Because he was afraid, he hobbled himself so he would be discharged from the army. His wife was angry because their family was shamed and made to look like a disgrace (understandably). Milah had enough and decided to leave when she saw Captain Hook and started becoming interest. Rumple goes to the ship before it’s set to leave and he begs Milah to come back. Hook challenges him to a duel (arms him and everything) and he is too scared…to fight…for his WIFE….for the mother of his child!!!!! He LETS HER GO. He proves himself to be exactly the person Milah fell out of love with.

He raises Nealfire by himself and eventually becomes the Dark One which drives all chances of having friends away from Nealfire. Nealfire goes to the Blue Fairy and asks for a land without magic after Rumple promises he will go with him if he finds a way. At the LAST MINUTE, when Nealfire has already jumped into the portal he procures, Rumple changes his mind. Omfg like what!?!!? Like what kind of parent would NOT jump with their child!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? That’s actually incredibly cruel and selfish. Like…that’s your child….I don’t even…whatever…

So THEN Rumple becomes super evil and he eventually goes back to the Seer and demands more answers and she gives him another prophecy that a dark curse will spread across the land and bring him to the world his son is in but the boy who will lead him to his son will be his undoing. (the boy is Henry)

SO he falls in love with Cora (Regina’s mom) with a loose agreement that she give him a child but she doesn’t really have time for that because she wants “greatness” whatever the hell that means so she marries a prince. Whatever! Regardless, Rumple wanted her child all along. It’s like…he knew that a child/teenager would eventually meet him and that he could manipulate that child/teenager to harness their hatred and shit.

LIKE WHAT!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WhaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…….!?!?!

As much as I hated Regina the first season, once I realized how much Rumple manipulated everything…I just….I don’t know. I don’t know how anyone can hate Regina without hating Rumple. (or somewhat vice versa) He used Regina’s heartbreak, fueled it until it was hatred that could manifest as magic because he knew she would eventually curse the land (giving up the heart of the thing she loved most which is ALSO TERRIBLE OF HIM)

— OH YEAH and somewhere along the way, he found Captain Hook and KILLED HIS OWN WIFE!!! Can we talk about how problematic this is? “Oh you don’t want me anymore. Fuck you, I’m killing you.” Omg…that’s actually terrifying…So yeah Milah is DEAD now and Captain Hook doesn’t have a HANDDDD and then you know what he did? He told Nealfire that his mother was dead because of Captain Hook. Like WHATTTTT!?!?!?!?!?!??!? So you make your wife look like some kind of martyr who was murdered by some random pirate to your son while you’re the one who hated her and killed her. I just…I just don’t even…..

So then Regina brings everyone to Storybrooke EVEN THOUGH IF HE HAD JUST JUMPED INTO THE PORTAL WITH HIS SON, HE WOULDN’T HAVE NEEDED THIS!! And Rumple continues to be…Rumple in the new land, manipulating everyone just so that he can find his son. (who wants nothing to do with him….)

I think his “redemption” was great. Great because finally, he was being brave and putting everyone before himself and his concerns. He sacrificed himself for his son and his True Love and it was great; I feel like his death was his way of atoning for the IMMENSE CLUSTERFUCK that is this show.

But then he lives…at the expense of his son (not his fault, I know) and I understand that he felt he needed to avenge him but Jesus Christ you JUST promised Belle.

Belle is his redeeming quality. She is the one who sees the good man he has the potential to be but he NEVER FUCKING AMOUNTS TO IT.

And I think that’s so selfish. He always makes the wrong decision and it’s like…your son is dead but Belle is alive and you should honor the both of them by striving to be good.

ANDDDDDD I am super pissed that he LIED to her in his proposal. What kind of shit is that?!? What kind of precedent does that set for your marriage!?!?? Like omg your entire union will have started on a lie as it’s foundation. Omg, if Belle ever finds out, she is going to be PISSED.

Rumple. Why???

Liveblogging Bleeding Through OUAT Episode 18

I’ve been so behind on Once Upon a Time so I’m two episode behind but I’m going to be live blogging about Episode 18, Bleeding Through.

Regina looking flawless as always….and green apples. I love all the symbolism. why is zelena soooo sweet and undercover bitchy? haha I prefer Regina’s snark

omg omg oh god this boy. nooo we are not allowed to put Robin’s precious son in mortal danger EVER. Oh thank god I love Roland so much….oh thank god.

But nooooo NOW REGINA IS GOING TO FEEL BETRAYED and omg she’s growing because she’s not even upset at Robin for literally giving away her heart. Regina has grown so much. Good on you, OUAT writers, good on you.

Regina and Belle…awkward…omg Regina is apologizing. This is such a great episode already. There’s such character growth!!!! omg this has to be Regina-centric episode because i don’t think i’ve even seen emma or snow or charming yet. but anyways, back to the plot, i wonder what spell zelena needs.

Flashback Attack!! I don’t wanna learn more about Cora (Regina’s mom.) I hate her so much…

Whaaat…..!?!? Cora…getting married…again? Before? First? Obviously this is before Regina and Rumple…she seems so happy.

And that prince is soooo…idk…smooth. he looks like gaston…this can’t be good. oh shit this little harlot just went to bed with him. girlllll never do that; you are not officially married yet.

Wait a second ghostly encounters? Summoning shit…this is not going to go right.

Aw Regina’s heart is “battered” I hate Zelena lol and her relationship with her pet monkey is weird…

“the murder weapon and…the murderer” lmfao awkward. Snow, own up to that shit lol

oh god the wind is going crazy, someone is gonna have to get exorcised after this…

flashback!! yooo so this dude really just did ALL OF THAT just to have sex with a barmaid? like that was such an intricate plan. see this is why i told her not to sleep with him…

annnnd yay cora gets the real prince i guess…(leopold, snow white’s dad) except….obviously she doesn’t because obviously he marries Eva…. (snow white’s mom)

aww snow and regina heart to heart. awww snow is trying to be sassy too lol

ohhhhh noooo what is that?!?!? Cora is trapping them into the house.

ewww WHY IS SNOW WHITE’S DAD SO OLD ALREADY!?!?!!? Regina wasn’t even born at this point. Regina eventually marries the dude Cora is crushing on and it’s so gross…..

awwww regina is forgiving everyone. this is beautiful. this is a beautiful thing. i can’t wait till she falls in love with robin…but right now, she’s having mommy issues.

yup thumping and shit upstairs. this is not a healthy environment for snow’s future baby. she is like 8 months pregnant. annnnd here’s cora.

why are emma and hook hanging out? awwww :) they’re so cute they’re hanging out and she’s practicing magic around him and they’re basically already datinggggg. i need him to come clean about his curse though

and belle figured out the plannn!!! even though everyone (as in viewers) already knows the plan because clearly she wants a brain and a heart and courage….because for whatever reason, those are the ingredients to turn back time? (calling it now…)

okay now she’s revealing it anyway. lol she’s telling rumple shit. oh right, she needs the baby. why does she need snow’s baby? omg she’s prob gonna sacrifice him…oh god.

no no rumple, you do not get to become happy about this. nealfire is dead. leave it alone. stay good.

regina is protecting snow from her own mother. that’s so nice of her.

oh god the gardener is back and he’s gonna fuck up everything for Cora, I know it. oh…material blackmail. that’s manageable. OMFG NEVERMIND snow white’s mom is a bitchhhhhh.  (but not really, she honestly grows up to be such a lovely person lol) she’s gonna tell EVERYONEEEEE

why is regina ALWAYS getting bitchslapped. omg this is so rude. snow white is being possessed!!!! oh cora is going to show snow white. ohhhhhhh wait she’s going to ruin snow’s wholesome image of her mom.

and here’s leopold with eva…who is kind of a bitch………goddamn….poor cora. ughhh i hate this because i hate cora but i feel so bad for her.

“i’ll give you a child worth loving, one pure as snow.” ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shittttttttttt poor snow. her name is so tainted by everything now. :(

yasss belle. she’s so smart and wise and shit.

yooooooo this spell ruins soooo many lives. if zelena is going back to kill eva, that means snow won’t be born, and neither will emma and henry and maybe not even regina. (sidenote: that is so rude to accuse regina of not helping, emma. CLEARLY she has been on your side for like the whole season!!! gosh this is just like the 2nd season when henry was a little shit to regina)

annnnnnd here comes zelena…and rumple….

rumple….i hope you are tricking her. i hope for belle’s sake that you are lying!!!!!! please, for once, be a truly good guy omg. ew don’t kiss her whatttttt

oh jesus thank god. zelena is one effed up person. why is everyone so attracted to rumple? he is so old

regina and snow are bonding and talking and this is so perfect. all of this. this was all so greatttt. listen to her regina. don’t let anything hold you backkkkkk

omgg its a robin hood scene omgggg are you goign to kiss him omg omg omg omg KISS HIM. AHHHHH she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re kissing. she’s holding onto happiness. she’s finally going after shit yessssssssssss regina seize the dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

The End.

This was great. I’m so happy for Regina. Honestly, her growth over the entire series is just so impressive from a writing perspective. I used to hate Regina in the first season and that turned to a touch of pity in the second season to just all around love for her in the third season. I can’t wait for the next episode. :)

30 Rock Pilot Episode

“There’s a line, buddy.”

“There’s two lines.”

These are the first two lines of 30 Rock and I don’t know if this was intentional (it probably, most likely was) but it. is. GENIUS.

Now I am highly biased because I’m basically in love with Tina Fey. I think she’s hilarious and I just love her writing and her style of writing and everything about her but this first scene alone cemented everything for me.

It’s weird because before, I used to see the beginning of this show all the time when my mother and I watched The Office because it came on right after and sometimes my mom would even leave it on and watch it. But I could never get into 30 Rock. It was because of Tracy Morgan’s character Tracy Jordan. He was so stupid and I hated his voice (and I still do) and I just HATE characters that are too stupid to function. It’s bad enough on Disney Channel and Nickelodeon but it’s especially annoying when its on “respectable” tv networks.

Regardless, I decided to give this show another chance because literally all of my friends call me the black Tina Fey and they say that I’m sarcastic and bitchy like her and she reminds them of me when they watch the show so…

I watched the first episode and it’s really funny. I’m not going to lie and say it’s hilarious or that it’s as funny as Mean Girls or Bridesmaids or Baby Mama but it’s funny and it has potential. It is, after all, only the pilot. But it seems good. The characters all have potential and um…THE SHOW IS WRITTEN BY TINA FEY which is the only reason needed. But I will say that I was actually chuckling out loud multiple times throughout the episode and that hardly happens anymore.

The show follows the Head Writer Liz Lemon  (Tina Fey) of a comedy sketch type show and other members of her team as well as her new supervisor Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) and the main actors- Liz’s friend Jena Maroney (Jane Krakowski) and newly recruited eccentric actor Tracy Jordan.  (So far, these have been the only notable characters though there are a few more characters that are listed as main characters.) It shows a fictional TV network behind the scenes of their hit show. The show is supposed to be a semi-parody and it is loosely based off of Tina Fey’s experience working with SNL.

The good things: Ensemble cast meaning there’s other people who come with their own humor, character tropes and possible plotlines. TINA FEY!!!

The bad things: Tracy Jordan. He may grow on me though. Only time can tell.

Overall: You should give it a chance if you like sarcastic, backhanded insults and bluntness. Jack is very rude, very blunt, and very matter-of-fact. So far, he’s not necessarily likeable but by the end of the pilot, he has a grudging respect for Liz, though their rivalry/different ways of thinking will most likely be an ongoing conflict in the show. Liz, so far, seems to have a certain irony to her. The show has a self-deprecating feel to it even though Liz herself is not necessarily aware of it being directed at her. So yeah, I realize that this is a very specific type of comedy and opinions probably vary significantly. It, like The Office or Modern Family or The Mindy Project, is not for everyone. If you’re into more straightforward humor or physical humor, then this is probably not the show for you.

^Obviously, I’ve only watched the pilot so take all that with a grain of salt.

Catfish

Okay so after seeing a really suspenseful, borderline thriller looking trailer, I decided to bite. I’m going to watch Catfish and tell you how it is. All of the comments I’ve read have said that it would be a complete waste to reveal the big plot twist so depending on what happens I may or I may not….

…a lot of the reviews also said that the trailer is completely misleading…so let’s find out.

OMFG, first off, there’s not much to say about the actual movie and the way it’s carried out because it’s a documentary…so no effects or storytelling devices or anything.

Basically the plot is as follows:

Nev, a photographer in New York, was approached by an 8-year old named Abby who makes paintings. (his brother and their friend are filmmakers/directors and want to document their arrangement/relationship) Nev and Abby are in a sort of partnership where he sends her photos that she recreates in her paintings. Everything is taken care of through Abby’s mother, Angela; Nev either talks on the phone with her and e-mails Abby. They sometimes send him prints of her paintings. Abby adds Nev on facebook and then her whole family adds him, thanking him for being so supportive. Nev begins talking to Abby’s sister Megan and they become interested in each other, texting and calling multiple times.

Nev becomes really immersed in this family and his relationship with everyone.

Then…Megan posts a few songs that she sings. They search the lyrics and a song comes up and it’s very similar…but not quite the same. They search a bit more and find the exact version that she sang, revealing that it’s a previous recording and an actual “real” established song. (It has been featured on Season 5 of One Tree Hill. Listen here.) This alerts Nev to all the previous sketch behavior he never really noticed before

  • He has never been able to talk to Abby on the phone
  • Abby’s paintings are said to be all over town and in various galleries but her name is unfound when searched on the internet
  • Abby had supposedly bought a gallery but when Nev checked the listing, it was still listed as unsold and upon calling the realtor, he learned it was still for sale.

Since his brother and friend are in Colorado at the time, filming for a separate movie, they decide to investigate the family in Michigan. At Megan’s house, he finds his postcards with a return to sender, indicating that the person who lives at the house isn’t Megan nor do they know Megan. They drive to Angela’s house and surprise them and…..

Yeah! A lot of people think the entire film was fake because for one, why wouldn’t Nev and his brother have searched the girl beforehand? Two, it was awfully convenient that they would catch literally everything on camera. Three, Nev’s brother wanted to document him and his relationship with an 8 year old prodigy painter but why? There was nothing super outstanding or particularly interesting about their perceived arrangement. He took pictures, she painted them. So why would they be filming him?

Overall, I think the movie is definitely interesting and worth seeing. It’s not one of those films that you would necessarily regret either way but I would recommend seeing it. The twist is fucking SO UNEXPECTED. The characters are likeable and the plot will definitely keep you invested.

Warning: If you’ve seen trailers for the movie, you need to forget them immediately because, despite what they want you to believe, this film involves no animal abuse, no underground dog-fighting, no child exploitation, no extensive drug ring, no gang activity, etc.

3 out 5 stars for entertainment. The friends and side comments of people are pretty funny and obviously the mystery of Abby and her family is interesting.

If you really have no interest in watching this movie, then you could always read Wikipedia but I put the big reveal under the cut.

Continue reading

Nick Fury presents….

I always liveblog so I thought I’d liveblog my actual experience instead of just my reactions. I’m also going to try to keep spoilers to a minimum since this JUST came out.

Satuday Night

10:22pm My friend is dragging me to see Captain America, praising it for how great it was (he already saw it a week ago). He did make  a point to say that Black Widow’s flawlessness was the reason for this. HOWEVER, I don’t care how flawless Black Widow is, she isn’t worth 12 dollars!!!! WHY ARE MOVIE THEATERS SO EFFING EXPENSIVE!?!??

10:24pm We are late as always…

10:43pm Captain America is so corny and he’s too goody goody. And he doesn’t have any powers…or a distinctive fighting style…so now I know why my friend only came for Black Widow…

10:52pm I did not see the first Captain America and I highly regret that now. Not because this movie is amazing or anything but just because I literally have no idea what is happening. I’ve only ever seen the Iron Man movies and Avengers so all this information is completely without context

10:53pm….am now looking up Captain America on Wikipedia. I’m going to read the entire plot summary.

11:07pm yooooo as SOON as that police car appeared I KNEW shit was going to go down. Nick Fury is about to die. Except not really but this entire scene is so stressful omg. Excellent, everything is unfolding like a spy movie and I love every second of it. Car chase, false cops, bulletproof windows at 31%, a robot voice offering no real help, yes I love it all…except oh no cause some random dude just stopped that car like it was NOTHING. I’m getting flashbacks to Hancock. Omg I thought he was just going to tase the guy…but apparently it was more like a lightsaber because he literally just made a tunnel and crawled nto the earth. (I forgot this was a superhero movie…)

11:35pm I keep asking questions and making jokes. My friends want to kill me, I can tell. They want me to shut up but I can’t help itttttttttt.

11:58pm I have accepted Black Widow as my lord and savior.

12:04am btw Falcon……is so corny…..everything is SO CORNY. I thought he was going to do something…how is he even able to fly without any protective gear? Why doesn’t he have a costume!?!??! He’s in a t-shirt and he’s flying around and dropping at intense speeds and I don’t understand the physics of this. Sidenote: he looks more like a dragonfly than a falcon.

12:36am THIS IS IT!! THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE FILM I SWEAR TO YOU!!! Nick Fury just took off his eye patch and put on sunglasses instead. But that’s not it, guys. He has a hoodie on and he just pulled the hood up and then he lit some classified-looking files on fire. He just dropped the entire lighter. BUT the reason this is the highlight is because I legitimately forgot that I was watching a superhero movie. I thought I was about to watch a music video because he totally looks like he just quit SHIELD and decided to go into the rap game. I am so serious. Nick Fury is dropping his album November 20th. Look out for it guys. Featuring hit single: “Motherfucking Snakes in This Motherfucking Organization That I Used to be the Head of.” The Falcon may make a guest appearance; collaborations are still in talk. He’s walking off screen…he looks like Drake. I think he’s going to Canada and he’s just going to chill with Drake for the summer. I can’t wait for his album. What are your thoughts??

12:43am My friend is telling me that I have to wait for the post-credits scene as if I could somehow forget lol OMG it’s (—-r) and (S—-) and…they look fucking crazy. I don’t watch X-Men movies however so I will never get to see the significance of them lol my friend is excited though.

1:01am I’m in the car….basically this movie is a set-up for more important ones….that’s what I’m gathering from everything. Let’s review: Nick Fury is dropping a rap album in November, Falcon is probably going to have some roles in future Marvel movies, HYDRA has been exposed, SHIELD is in disarray, Captain America’s ex-teammate who gets burned at the end, is going to be Crossbones, two new X-Men characters are revealed, Black Widow kind of just mysteriously leaves with a badass attitude, Cap and Falcon are going to search for (—)……

Yeah idk, this movie was kind of underwhelming and I want my twelve dollars back. I actually want to cry for the loss of those twelve dollars.

(No rating because I didn’t see the first one and it wouldn’t be fair to the movie.)

The Black List (Guestblogging)

by Pat, creator of Sports Slam

On Monday Nights at 10 pm on NBC the show, “The Black List” appears. The main characters on the show are Raymond “Red’ Reddington, who is played by James Spader, and Elizabeth “Lizzie” Keane, who is played by Megan Boone.

The preface of the show is Raymond Reddington has evaded authorities for decades and decides to finally turn himself in randomly. When he turns himself in, he compromises a deal with the United States Government to give them a list of names or terrorist organizations, black market names, names that they have no idea existed in exchange for immunity for all of his crimes. The only condition is that Reddington must talk to new Agent Elizabeth Keane who is not even fresh out of Quantico.

Throughout the season, Agent Keane confides in Reddington about the ongoing cases she is a part of and Reddington helps her find the criminals of the show. He only gives the names on his “Black List” of the certain people who have wronged him over the years such as stealing money from him for no reason. He eventually begins to little by little give the FBI names that eventually lead them to arrests. Reddington’s main goal is to find what happened to his family years ago on Christmas morning that made him turn against the United States Government. Many of the viewers suspect that Agent Keane is his daughter because she in fact has no idea who her parents were and would like to know who they were.

For some reason throughout the whole season, Reddington keeps on calling Agent Keane, Lizzie, but she in fact hates being called that and cannot understand why he calls her that. He acts like this father figure to her to show her how the world really works and always tries to make her safe whenever she goes out into the field.

Reddington also tries to make her understand that people around her might not be what they seem. He says that her husband, who is employed as a 4th grade school teacher is in fact a spy for a secret organization of a foreign country. Agent Keane refuses to believe it even though she discovers a box full of passports with fake names of her husband’s picture. Later throughout the season hints are dropped along the way to Agent Keane where she finally opens her eyes and realizes that Reddington was right and her husband is not who she thinks he is.

There are three more episodes of the season and hopefully Lizzie will be able to expose her husband for who he is and be able to find out what happened to her parents or if Reddington is her father after all. Also if Reddington will finally make peace with himself to see what really happened to his family on Christmas. Time will tell to see how this season plays out. If you are not watching this show, I highly recommend and you will be hooked after when you watch the first episode of the season.

Frozen: Let It Go…Please?

I needed to have my thoughts on the record. I think Frozen is the most overrated kid movie of all time. I mean, that’s an exaggeration obviously because I have no idea what kids’ movies get recognition for and all that but the hype that surrounds this film is so undeserved it’s not even funny.

That isn’t to say I don’t like it. I love Frozen. My friend just bought it for me for my birthday! :D

I can just recognize that it wasn’t all that people make it out to be. It wasn’t groundbreaking, it isn’t a classic, it sure as HELL isn’t better than Toy Story (or any Pixar movie for that matter…or most Disney Princess movies either.)

If you don’t know the plot, I’m not going over that. Go here if you haven’t seen it.

Things I Really Loved

anna and elsa

Anna/Elsa (Relationship) - I really liked their relationship. I thought it was super cute and super sad and it actually felt real and accurate. Even if your parents haven’t died in a mysterious boat incident, if you have a younger/older sibling, you still know the feeling of distance and loneliness that will occasionally come when one or both of you are going through a phase and don’t have time for each other.

Olaf- Gold. He was just gold. He was hilarious and I thought he was going to be obnoxious and annoying as fuck. He was the number one reason I held off on watching it. But he was great and he was honestly my favorite part of the film. Instead of being the asshole-funny that sidekicks tend to be, he was the sweet-naïve-funny and it was just great.

frozen olaf

DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN!?!? - This was the only part of the movie minus the character of Olaf that I had no critiques for. It was great. It was such a great device to use; it showed the deterioration of Anna and Elsa’s relationship, it showed their individual struggles, it showed what happened to their families and it was all to a great song. The song is so good too; it starts off slow and adorable and funny and then the musical break HITS you in the feels and makes you so sad. And when Anna’s final “Do you wanna build a snowman…?” happens, you just want to cry.

frozen elsa and annaThe Ending- This was great and heartwarming and I’m not talking about Kristoff and Anna, I’m talking about Anna and Elsa. When Elsa puts ice skates on Anna and she helps her skate around and it’s just true sisterly…ness- the older sister guiding the little sister around on her skates. It’s just so adorable, I can’t even express accurately why I love this scene. IT’S JUST GREAT. They’re getting the childhood moments that they should have had.

I’m gonna talk about 3 things (my lists are never reliable. I always add things lol) that were problematic/why this film should not be called as good as it is.

oh wow look at that they both seem so similar

oh wow look at that they both seem so similar

1. Anna and Elsa (as characters) - Anna and Elsa both look like Rapunzel. Anna’s story is LITERALLY Rapunzel version 2.0 and I don’t have time for that because Tangled is my favorite princess movie and how dare they. Let’s review: Rapunzel/Anna both need to go on a quest, both need a guide, both meet a reluctant/slightly rude and rugged boy who refuses to help, Rapunzel/Anna bribe them, boy reluctantly agrees, they bond and fall in love, get in trouble, and boy RUSHES BACK ON A QUADRIPED TO SAVE Rapunzel/Anna at the nick of time (with varying degrees obviously) I’m not here for Anna. I never will be. She’s just significantly more awkward and dumber than Rapunzel. And I’m not here for her relationship with Kristoff cause he was even more awkward and their entire relationship is Flynn and Rapunzel ON ICE. Elsa in contrast…She does have a lot of Rapunzel’s facial expressions but she is actually interesting and a cool person. Haha, pun. However, SHE WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER AND SHE WASN’T. Why!? No seriously, why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY1?!?!?!!?!?!

2. The Songs – I truly don’t understand why the songs get so much hype. Obviously, everything is opinion but I didn’t really like “Let it Go.” It actually sounds like a bunch of other songs spliced together; the chorus is good though. I loved “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman” and I liked “For the First Time” but all the other songs are unmemorable. I think the only reason it got that much attention was because of Idina Menzel.

3. The “Plot Twist”- While yes, it was super super not expected that Hans would be evil…or like…not good…? I didn’t really need him and Anna’s weird relationship to begin with lol and I feel like they did it for cheap thrills. I honestly just feel like too much was going on in this film. Like what was the central plot/conflict? Speaking of…

4. The Plot- I’m supremely upset about the plot because Frozen was marketed as a sister movie but let’s be real, it was about an awkward girl who got tricked into falling in love and then found her real love…oh and btw she saved her sister? (But really, she was the one in danger because her heart was going to freeze so…) Honestly, her falling in love was literally what caused the entire problem. If the main conflict was Elsa’s ice bending (whoops…Freudian slip. A:TLA anyone?) why didn’t we actually focus on Elsa?

See? Flynn is mad too.

See? Flynn is mad too.

5. The Boys- Okay…maybe it’s just me but I think this film could have been what Brave SHOULD have been. Brave is okay. It’s just…kind of boring and I don’t think that it’s because of the lack of a love interest but regardless, Frozen, like Brave, shouldn’t have had love interests at all. It could have been interesting if the story was actually truly about two sisters finding their way back together. Like…they didn’t bond over anything. Mortal danger just made them realize that their love could break a spell.

AND WHERE THE HELL DID ELSA EVEN GET HER POWERS!?!?! Like………………………………………………….the fuck. (ahem…Tangled had a backstory. Just throwing that out there)

I’m not even going to go into the whole “feminist Disney film” thing that people keep praising Frozen as…perhaps I’ll just touch on it really quick. Just because Anna HESITATES and decides to save her sister’s life instead of kissing a boy she knew for what? a week? doesn’t mean it’s a feminist film. Just because Kristoff pointed out that Anna only knew Hans for a day doesn’t mean it’s a feminist film, especially when Kristoff has no problem being in love with Anna after a week. -_____-

(btw, I’m not saying Frozen doesn’t have feminist qualities or whatever, I’m just saying it shouldn’t be praised as some miracle feminist movie that finally graced the planet.)

In short, yes Frozen was a good movie. It was cute, adorable and it had a few good songs and yes it had a few plot twists. But please.

Frozen is owned by Disney

Frozen is owned by Disney

Wicked is Coming…

ouat wicked is coming

Once Upon a Time has come off hiatus and before talking about it, I wanted a few episodes to air so I could maybe get a feeling of what the second half of the season is to bring.

I am not disappointed.

Zelena AKA the Wicked Witch is the new bad bitch in town. Move over Regina (jk, I love Regina)

When all the fairy tales go back to the Enchanted Forest, they try to rebuild their kingdom and move on from the pain of losing Emma and Henry. Only to find out that Regina’s castle has been taken over and there’s a protection spell around it. Zelena appears and reveals that she is Regina’s sister from another mister, something that SHOULD be shocking but given the crazy, headache-inducing family tree that Henry has to deal with is already in effect, it doesn’t actually do much of anything. Regardless, this time it’s interesting because it’s not revenge or anything equally as serious and potentially violent. It’s just…jealousy. Haha, I just got the reference; The Wicked Witch is green with envy. Omg! Anyways, yeah…

HIGHLIGHTS!!! (things I am the most excited about!!!!)

ouat robin and rolandROBIN HOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In Neverland, there was a flashback involving Tinkerbell trying to help Regina be happy and not evil (way before the curse) and she gives her a way to find her True Love. Regina sees his arm, which has a tattoo, but she is too scared to be happy and give up on her revenge and anger so she leaves before seeing his face and learning his identity. He remains in Fairy Tale Land during Regina’s original curse but he was seen briefly when Mulan joins the band of Merry Men. ANYWAYS!!!! ROBIN HOOD AND REGINA ARE GONNA FALL IN LOOOOOOOVEEEE! lol I just want her to be happy. It’s been QUITE some time so I feel like she deserves it now that she’s redeemed herself.

Roland!!!!!! He’s Robin Hood’s son. I know, isn’t his name adorable!?!?!?!?! He honestly doesn’t have much of a role but he is ADORABLE. SO SO ADORABLE. And knowing he will eventually be Regina’s stepson and Henry’s…adoptive…stepbrother?- is just so great!!!JENNIFER MORRISON, JARED S. GILMORE

Emma and Captain Hook are clearly going to fall in love and I’ve only been waiting for this to happen since the moment he appeared on screen. (the middle of season 2)

Emma and Henry: Okay, I love the fact that Henry doesn’t remember anything because he’s older now and we get to see a woman trying to convince her son that he is the grandson of two fairytale characters. I just think it’s a very interesting parallel to the first season. Henry was always…The One. Like, despite him being annoying and bratty and ten years old, he was the only one that knew what the audience knew. We were all Henry because we just wanted Emma to break the curse and we already knew about magic and the fairytale characters’ true identities. But now, suddenly, Henry’s not with us anymore. It’s just going to be very interesting to see how Emma handles him especially now that he’s older.

ouat preggo snow

Snow White and Charming’s baby: Okay this doesn’t seem like it’s that big of a deal but there are just so many directions they could take this. Regardless of whether or not it’s a girl or a boy, it could be kidnapped or lost (as in miscarried/stillborn), it could be taken by another curse, it could be raised and loved as a normal child with conflicts arising with fitting Emma in their lives, etc. It could also just be a baby lol and that would be fine too. Very rarely do we see fairytales after their happily ever after’s and I think that’s why the subject of their second child (and this show in general) is so refreshing.

REBECCA MADER

Zelena: Zelena is interesting because she’s nice. One thing you could say about Regina was that you could always count on her to have her best interests (or Snow’s worst interests) at heart. You could always trust her to be “evil” because she was the only one other than Henry that was aware of the curse. This time though Zelena is the only one aware and she’s being nice to Snow White and Charming and all of the other heroes…almost like she knows they’re going to regain their memories. Almost like she wants them to just so that they’ll have no idea it’s her when they do. She’s sketch. She’s sketch as hell. People who can hide their true feelings are dangerous people indeed. And her motivator- jealousy- is such an interesting emotion because it’s SO unpredictable. It’s just a whim, at least to me. It’s not something that’s life-or-death. She’s going to play this smart; she’s not going to throw her all into something just so she can destroy someone. She’s more calculated than Regina, who honestly just threw her curse on the land and didn’t care what happened as long as Snow White was unhappy.

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Zelena Vs. Regina: Omg, I just realized their names rhyme and that kind of annoys me but okay. Here’s the thing; Regina has grown a lot. She has gone from “pure evil” in season 1, to trying to be good and backsliding in season 2, to sacrificing EVERYTHING for the only other person she has loved, and now she has a chance to love again. But she also has a whole new world of problems and pain-inducing circumstances: she has to watch her son as he calls another woman “mom” and she can’t tell him who he really is to her. Her RANDOM half-sister came out of NOWHERE (and that opens a few issues on its own regarding her mother’s relations and private life. I mean…her older sister’s green and she isn’t even from the same world as Regina!) and she wants to destroy her and Regina is going to be tempted to stoop down to her level- to fight “wicked” with “evil.” She even says “I have something new to live for: destroying someone.” I don’t know what’s going to happen. I hope Regina doesn’t die because I finally like her (I vehemently hated her existence in the first season) but I can see them giving her a very heart-wrenching, sacrificial, hero’s end. Either way, there’s so much possible with this and I can’t wait to see what they do with it.

Once Upon a Time…

…There was a girl named Emma and she was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. At their wedding after-party, the Evil Queen Regina rolls up and tells them that she will ruin their lives forever and ever and separate their entire kingdom from everything they’ve ever loved. Whoa.

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

(Regina had a vaguely abusive mother Cora, the Queen of Hearts, and the love of her life was killed in front of her because 8 year old Snow, after promising she wouldn’t, told Regina’s mother. Regina’s mother wanted Regina to marry Snow’s dad and become royalty so she killed her boyfriend and Regina really really really doesn’t know how to let it go.)

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

As the curse unrolls, they find a way to save Emma, who is prophesied to be the Chosen One. In 28 years, the baby will come back to save the fairy tale characters from their curse. What an odd age right? Originally, there was a wardrobe that only one person could go through. Snow, still pregnant with Emma, is obviously the one to do that but RIGHT AS THE DARK CLOUDS OF DOOM ARE APPROACHING, Snow starts giving birth. Charming sends little baby Emma through the wardrobe by her lonesome. Their kingdom is taken to our land but they are trapped and frozen in time in Storybrooke, a town that just appeared. No one comes in and no one leaves.

Emma is also found in our world and put in foster care and as a result, she is super hardened and she has major abandonment issues (not just because of her parents) and as a result she can’t really trust anyone. She lives alone and she’s a bounty hunter. She has a magical ability (that is really inconsistent) that allows her to tell when someone is lying.

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Also, because of a fling (the cause of abandonment issues) awhile ago, Emma has a son, Henry, but she put him up for adoption because she was in jail…(because of previous fling) Awkwardly enough, he was adopted by Regina, the Evil Queen, who in the new land is Mayor of the town. Henry randomly gets a book of fairytales that explains the Curse and everything and he sees the similarities in the book to people in the town and realizes that his mother is the Evil Queen. He finds Emma and makes her take him back and hopes she’ll stay for a bit. Regina is unaware that she is The Chosen One and just hates Emma because she thinks it’s really sketch that she would somehow come to town with her son. Because she’s rude and suspicious of Emma, Emma in turn is suspicious of Regina…which makes Emma decide to stay in Storybrooke.

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

First Season: Henry is attempting to convince Emma of the truth- that she is the daughter of fairytale characters and that she is the Chosen One, the only one who can break the curse. Emma meets many fairytale favorites and their flashbacks/backstories are shown in refreshing new ways. She meets Jiminy Cricket, Little Red Riding Hood, Rumplestiltskin and her parents and basically, the season just fills in backstory on the characters and the way magic works. True Love’s Kiss is the only thing that can break curses (I know, I know, stick with me) And no one can leave Storybrooke’s boundaries. Every time they try, they forget or they get hurt or accidents happen. The curse is broken when Regina finally decides to get rid of Emma and makes an apple tart (hahaha) with a sleeping curse in it. Henry desperately eats it instead so Emma will finally believe him. After he goes into a coma-like state, she finally believes and her tearful kiss to his forehead is what breaks the curse. (FROZEN IS NOT THAT GROUNDBREAKING!!!)

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Second Season: Everyone’s memory is replaced and the townspeople hate Regina, who is trying her best to be good for Henry. They also discover that if they leave the town’s boundary’s, they lose their fairytale memory and revert back to their forced curse identity. This season is somewhat of a blur. Because of many circumstances, Emma and Snow are transported back to the fairy tale land where they meet Mulan and Sleeping Beauty (seriously, this show doesn’t care okay?) and they’re desperately trying to make it back but Regina’s mother and her hired henchman Hook (who just wants a chance to kill Rumplestiltskin) also want to make it back. In the second half, the heroes make it back. Emma helps Rumplestiltskin find his son Baelfire (who goes by Neal now and is also Henry’s father and the one who betrayed Emma) Unfortunately, while that’s happening, Cora and Hook find a way to Storybrooke and Cora somehow manipulates Regina into being evil again. Also, Baelfire/Neal has a fiancé…who is evil. She, with her partner, hate magic and they’re attempting to get rid of it in their (our) world. They kidnap Henry and use a magic bean to go to “headquarters” but it ends up being Neverland!

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Season 3 first half: So yeah, basically Peter Pan is actually evil and manipulative and using “magic haters” like the two people from above to do his bidding. But he’s evil…and he needs the “Heart of the truest believer” which is Henry to keep Neverland fueled because he used to be an adult before he used the island’s magic to stay young forever and it messed up so now he needs to sacrifice Henry to keep it powered. Also Peter Pan is Rumple’s father. I know right? He dies though. Rumple sacrifices himself and kills him to save the town and Belle and Neal.

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

Once Upon a Time by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz

But alas the characters don’t live happily ever after because Peter Pan started a new curse and to undo it, Regina had to destroy her original one which would take ALL The fairy tale characters back to their original world. It would be like it never happened. But since Emma and Henry were born in (our) world, they would stay behind and they would not remember anything. Regina said she would give Emma one last gift so she gave them false memories so that Emma never gave up Henry for adoption. The last time Emma and Henry see their family is through the windshield as they drive out of town and the curse hits all the fairytales.

ouat going home

The last scene shows Emma and Henry one year later in New York eating breakfast. Someone knocks on the door and it’s Hook but Emma doesn’t remember him and DEFINITELY doesn’t believe him when he kisses her (trying to get her memory back because of true love) and tells her that her family is in danger.

Facts that are useful to know that may come up in a later post:

Rumplestiltskin doubles as The Beast so his love interest is Belle.

Rumplestiltskin is in a way, the cause of everything as he is the one who got the prophesy and knew that everything would eventually result in his reunion with his son.

Rumplestiltskin became the Dark One (who ppl call a “beast”) with magical powers when he found a dagger. He wanted to protect his son and be “brave” for once but his son Baelfire/Neal (who I’m just going to call Nealfire) just wanted friends and he HATED magic because of Rumple. Nealfire asked the blue fairy for a magic bean to take him and his father to a land without magic. Rumple let Nealfire jump in the portal and then CHANGED HIS MIND. And he’s been spending LITERALLY AGES (like I’m talking around a hundred years) trying to find him again. He taught both Cora and Regina magic. Rumple has spent most of his time in the background but he is definitely a villain as he has essentially manipulated everyone, including Regina, because he knew Emma would break the curse, allowing him to find Nealfire.

Before Rumple became the Dark One, Nealfire’s mom left them for Captain Hook because she hated Rumple for being a coward and shaming their family. Once Rumple became the Dark One, he tracked them down, took Hook’s hand and killed his wife in front of him which is why Captain Hook wants revenge; that was the love of his life.

Rumple, Nealfire, and Captain Hook, are all…well quite frankly, they’re not dead and dust because Rumple’s powers make him immortal and Nealfire and Captain Hook both spent a significant time in Neverland previously.

Cora (Regina’s mom)  became the Queen of Hearts because Regina pushed her into a magic mirror that took her to another world (Wonderland) Btw, Cora’s dead so…

Henry, to the fans of the show, is commonly known as “this/the little shit” because he has his really bratty moments so if I ever slip into that phrase by accident, I’m referring to Henry. It probably won’t happen though since he seems to be growing up.

Hook is in love with Emma. Baelfire/Neal is in love with Emma.

Henry’s family tree is so convoluted and that alone could give him years of therapy.

Why I Can NEVER Watch This Show Again. Like EVER.

I really can’t even watch this show anymore.

And the crazy thing is that it’s not even because of Kate coming back!! Or Allison being dead!! Or all the things that pissed me off in the last post. No, I fully intended on sticking with this show as a guilty pleasure.

The tipping point was the fact that Isaac would not be in the next season.

IT’S BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT SCOTT HAS NO ACTUAL WEREWOLVES IN HIS PACK!!!!

I am so through with this show. We have every other creature except the one advertised in the title. What kind of bullshit is that?

Scott’s Pack (Final Tally)

Scott (werewolf)

Kira (kitsune, most powers of a werewolf with electricity or fire.)

Stiles (awkward human with mass amounts of dumb luck)

Lydia (banshee but for all intents and purposes, human capabilites)

Malia (werecoyote; what even is a werecoyote? Why is no one explaining this?)

Packmoms:

Melissa McCall (human, though she is useful)

Dr. Deaton (Mary Sue character; druid (human) with infinite possibilities and uses)

Sheriff Stilinski (human, also somewhat useful though the list of things that can be affected by bullets is becoming smaller and smaller with each new episode)

Chris Argent (werewolf hunter, though he barely fits in this category since the person tying him to Scott’s side was his daughter who is now dead.)

Others who hang around but are still undecided on whether or not Scott is their alpha or else just have their own sketch agenda and are there when it is convenient:

Derek Hale (werewolf…slightly useless)

Peter Hale (EVIL!! Everyone seems to forget this!!!! While he has his useful moments, he eventually is going to come back to metaphorically and probably literally bite Scott in the ass.)

Morrell (Druid; sister of Deaton, also a Mary Sue)

Scott’s Dad (FBI agent who is an asshole and doesn’t do much of anything so far)

Dead and/or Lost Tally:

Jackson (werewolf…literally in London. He was a dick anyways)

Boyd (werewolf; he could have been the silent character Scott’s pack used for muscle)

Erica (werewolf; she had personality and such potential)

Allison (hunter; I will keep insisting that Scott’s pack needs a guardian hunter ON THEIR SIDE)

Aiden (werewolf; redeemed but not really)

Ethan (werewolf)

Isaac (werewolf; WHY IS HE LEAVING!?!?)

There is SO MUCH LOST POTENTIAL. He could have had six werewolves in his pack by now. Four if you don’t include the asshole twins Aiden and Ethan. Though it’s interesting to note that actually everyone on this list except for Allison was a direct antagonist to Scott at some point. Hm…but basing this off of redeemable people (people Scott forgave and would accept in his pack) the tally of lost potential is still at four werewolves.

I just don’t understand. I know actors leave shows and I understand that sometimes, stories are adjusted to explain characters’ absences.

What I don’t understand is the way the narrative plays out. Why are certain characters introduced only to be killed? The thing that Teen Wolf doesn’t seem to understand is that regardless of intent, characters have their own backstories and these things hold connotations and they allude to more in relation to main characters. Even if a show’s writers do not use them or expand upon them, they still matter. They could be used in future episodes/ seasons or else they could be used to explain something else. But if everyone DIES, so does their backstory. So do potential new story arcs.

Allison is the perfect example. She comes from a long line of werewolf hunters. Her aunt is (was) dead. Her mother is dead. Her grandfather needs to be dead (and he’s basically dead as a result of cancer and poison courtesy of Scott but it hasn’t been confirmed) It is really only her and her father left. Well…it’s her father left because she’s dead (yes I’m stating that again! I still haven’t fully comprehended it) Regardless! With Allison, the show has so much more potential. There would be a main character with knowledge on hunting werewolves. For the most part, we only get the perspective of a bunch of teenagers (barely) surviving with supernatural abilities. But Allison adds diversity and a completely different perspective. Knowledge about other supernatural creatures, the ability to potentially infiltrate other hunter groups, and having knowledge and training with weaponry are all things that the other main characters don’t have. The show has killed her and all these potentials. You can argue that all these things are present in her father but he is not their age and he does not go to school with Scott and he will never be a main character or in as important a position as Allison was.

Actually, the most perfect example is the episode Motel California. Some of the characters are hallucinating because of some drug/poison. Boyd sees presumably his sister in a cooler full of ice. It’s creepy and jarring and it’s assumed that she’s dead but who knows? What’s the story on that? Are we supposed to feel sorry for him? Did something tragic happen to her? Was it his fault? Is she the mysterious girl who saves Isaac years later? Who knows? Because Boyd died and that random girl was never revisited. What was her significance!? Plot twist: there wasn’t any.

Teen Wolf has become so convoluted. Heroes are always dead and gone. Their stories, their arcs, their potential knowledge, etc. are lost and can no longer be used as plot devices. But the villains are recycled again and again and they just come back with random new abilities or knowledge and it makes the show so unbalanced and confusing. And also kind of unrealistic and I KNOW it’s a supernatural show but it’s still too contrived. So I’m done.

This is a post revisiting what I call my two-parter review of Safe Haven (It involved one thoughtful, critical review and an emotional, irrational response)